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-13-
He thought,
As they talked,
Walked,
And struggled through
Each piece of her abandoned times-
If she could understand her past,
Those times,
Confront them,
Grow beyond them.
It would make her stronger,
Their love stronge.
She would be able to shed
Those fears, guilt
And overcome
That little girl
He was sure he would free
From the ghosts,
The times,
And the crimes.
Perhaps,
Knowing her as he did
Had become his crime.
Her fears had become
A way-of-life,
A reason “not to be involved.”
Love was an intimacy
With too many walls.
Everything he knew about her
Only made her recall,
All the pain,
The guilt,
The memories,
Everything she tried so
Hard to hide.
She didn’t want to confront
And battle it all again.
She sat looking out the window.
Watching the truck disappear
Down the road,
Small dust swirls rising
Up above behind it
Until she couldn’t see
Him anymore.
-14-
Fondling her cup of coffee,
Just the way "he" liked it,
She was sure,
There wasn’t anyone
She could ever love more.
She was sure,
She had to go.
Her twisting, turning emotions,
Just didn’t seem to allow her
To see it
Any other way.
All her guilt
Had become a driving force.
All he knew that she
So passionately allowed him
To know,
She just had to go.
The day had just come under
A full, deep hot sun,
And she knew,
She had to get away,
She had to run.
At the age of thirty-one
Emily continued
On the run.
She was strung-out
On her past-
A book of memories,
Like silent films
Playing in her head,
Over again and again,
She carried them with her,
Deep in her mind.
Her past lives,
Beyond mystery,
She was and remained,
A string of broken loves,
A puzzle of pain,
A line of lies-
From the abandoned gray house
And the corners
Of a little girl’s room,
To an accounting of lovers
And secrets of her womb-
The lovers she begged
Not to leave her,
Only to confront love
And then in time,
Run.
Run and leave them all
Behind.
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